“I hate myself,” I often hear this cliché, and Irecently felt its influence when I failed to be alone with myself even for one day in the week. Most of us spend time tending to work-related issues, even at home, because we often take our work home with us, keep it in our hearts, and keep talking about it all day long.
One hates himself because he does not know his ‘self’ well, and does not care to know. Thus, a great spiritual gap between him and his ‘self’ develops, because he keeps it working and does not work for it.
When I look at the people around me, I find that the majority are nervous and hasty in everything they do. Whether driving, eating, or reading the newspaper, they are constantly in a hurry to move on to the next task; some of them cannot even finish a news story or an article to its last word, not to mention reading a book. Consequently, they start hating themselves.
In addition to being tense, we always feel that we lag behind, and we are relentless in achieving more. One day, I asked one of those hasty people, “What is your goal? Why do you work all day?” “To be successful,” he replied. When I probed further by asking, “What is success?” his answer was, “It is achieving my ambition.” Finally, the question “What is your ambition?” made him confused. When he answered, “To be successful!” it was clear to me that this friend hated himself, without knowing it.
Most of those exhausted, hasty, impulsive people do not have a clear message in their lives. They struggle, unguided, to be successful. They are on the path to nowhere, as do not really know what they want. Frustrated at never reaching their ‘goal’, they start to hate themselves. In order to know if you belong to that category, try to define your message in life in one word, only one word.
Some of us live our lives in haste, not knowing why, or even when. Our life is trodden by futile slogans, such as diligence, ambition, leadership, and similar words, to such an extent that many of us do not realize what they are, or how to live their lives.
Technology adds another kind of social disintegration to our dispersed efforts, which is gradually enhanced among us. Technology, considered a means to facilitate our life and make it better, is increasingly turning into a tool of social segregation, separating not only individuals from each other, but also the person from him or herself. It is very common, nowadays, to hear someone saying, “I forgot myself in front of my computer!” People are seeking joy in the communication with the ghosts of other people on the Internet. We have become so detached from our reality, whereby that frenzied departure has become a social custom. We are so engrossed in our virtual world that even flowers and innocent smiles fail to evoke any reaction. Yet the most painful departure is when man departs from himself.
We no longer know ourselves, nor do we know what we like and dislike. Our soul is a complete stranger, like a guest abandoned in a dark cellar, still waiting to be freed by his host. When we do not have enough time for ourselves, we abolish the importance of our existence. An internal conflict soon emerges, leading to physical and psychological ailments. Our souls and physical bodies become sick, for they are like children who need attention and crave for love.
I wonder, amid this alleged ‘progress’, how we would understand life. How can we understand life’s meanings, so that we can move forward? How can we contemplate life while passing through it, like passengers in an express train, going through the fields of colorful flowers, yet seeing only single color? What is even more appalling is that most of us do not even care! Then no wonder that some hate themselves.
Thus, in order not to hate yourself, you have to find your ‘self’, discover it, develop it, and purify it. You have to know it well and reconcile with it so that you can become part of it. Our proverb says, “Man is ever an enemy of what he does not know.” One who is hostile to himself is hostile to others, and he who lives in hostility will inevitably grow to hate himself.
The self is the homeland that lives with us and never leaves us, only we can choose to depart. It is another form of being dwelling in us. Our ‘selves’ are not us; yet, at moments, we may be our ‘selves’. I usually talk to myself, especially, when I am alone, when I am not worried that people may think of me as insane. The insane is the one who believes that he is able to stay alone!
The desire to dominate and enslave is one of the reasons for the growing gap between us and our true selves, as we had never thought of living in amity with our souls. Man loves to control everything, and determine their fate, considering his behaviour as ‘leadership’ or ‘ambition’. Yet, real leadership requires us to give others the opportunity to determine their own destinies, and true ambition is reflected in our ability to give them the breathing space to be what they want. When people are deprived of their rights and their freedom of choice, they must hate themselves.
Have you ever tried to accept life as it is? Have you considered accepting the ones you love as they are, not as you want them to be? Love helps us regain our humanity, and frees us from all external domination; self-love is one of the purest types of love. The desire for control makes life lose its spontaneous nature, and leads people to ‘make up’ their lives and their hopes. Thus, even their pains start to seem unnatural, giving them every reason to hate themselves.
Try to adapt with what happens to you, without constantly pondering on the alternatives. You will find happiness in this unconditional adaptation. Set your plans aside for a while, forget about the future, live in the present, taste it, inhale its aroma, and enjoy the scenic parts—even if simple—as the secret of happiness is sometimes in simplicity. It is not necessary to control every minute of your day, or to make a tough schedule for your work. Try to leave the option for your day to choose its events, then enjoy all its moments.
Some would sacrifice everything, their health, their families, their money, and their efforts, to be perceived as men of strong will. They forget that men of great will are those of great souls. Do not demean yourself, or dishonor your inner ‘self’ in the name of humbleness.
I do not believe in the saying that reads, “He who loves himself, does not love anyone.” Still, I do find that he who loves himself, loves others. You cannot give what you do not have.
So as not to hate yourself, you need to be dedicated to your true ‘self’, and understand it. Allow yourself to make mistakes, and experience joy in forgiveness, then try again and, when you succeed, enjoy the rewards. If you give your ‘self’ the dedication needed and work for the betterment of it, you will be working for the betterment of all people.
Writer by : Yhareb